Murder at Walgreen's

Last month I wrote about the mutual crush my 9-year-old son and I have shared since sometime around Christmas (see My Son's New Crush on this blog site).  Sadly, the honeymoon is over.  I know this because I endured a shameful public break-up yesterday afternoon.  Stephen and I were perusing the aisles at our local Walgreen's in search of tennis balls before he went to a friend's house.  I detoured past the toilet paper aisle (we were dangerously down to two rolls, not a good plan at our house) and then over to the wall of refrigerated drinks to grab the 3/$5 bottles of Gatorade.  It's travel baseball season and we go through Gatorade like most kids go through frozen popsicles during 'adult swim' at the pool.

Stephen and I reunited at the front of the store and headed for the cash register.  The man behind the register is the same familiar smiling face who usually rings up my purchases and is always quick to look through the flyer to see if I've missed a sale or a coupon.  He heard me call Stephen by name as we were standing there and after I ran my debit card through the machine, he looked at Stephen and asked, "Are you going to help Mom out today, Stephen?"

In a moment of in-your-face-alien-abduction my son shrugged his shoulders and answered, "Probably not."  And then, to add utter humiliation to my shock and awe, he turned and walked toward the door with his tennis balls.  "Stephen Clay Hood! Turn around and get back over here [pause for effect and lower voice before continuing]. Right. Now."  There was no mistaking the steely tone of my voice or the fiery darts shooting from my blue eyes.  It is unfortunate for me that so many people were in the check-out line to witness my son's Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde moment.  It is indeed very fortunate for my son that there were so many witnesses to what could have been a horrific crime of parenting rage right there in front of the bubble gum and breath mints.

The only words I could muster after he lazily sauntered back over to the counter were, "We are still in the store young man, and I can easily return those tennis balls I just bought.  Now pick up the Gatorade and go to the car."

Ruth Bell Graham was once asked during an interview if she had ever been tempted to divorce her world-famous evangelist husband, Billy.  She wittily replied, "Divorce? Never.  Murder? Yes."  I know exactly how she felt.  Honestly, in that nano-second of anger and embarrassment I visualized several ways I could rid the free world of my son's belligerent and disrespectful attitude.  There's not a parent on Planet Earth who would convict me: we've all been there, done that, and hidden the t-shirt.

The ensuing car ride was stifling in its quiet.  Stephen dared not say a word and I was biting my lip afraid of what I might say if I opened my mouth.  By the time we turned back into our neighborhood I was able to calmly but firmly express that his behavior was inappropriate and unacceptable.  I'm fairly certain he got the message and is afraid to find out what the woods behind Walgreen's look like after dark.

It will probably be a while before I summon the courage to shop again at my neighborhood Walgreen's.  I can guarantee you it will be a long time before I walk through those doors with Stephen at my side.  I still love him and I know he still loves me.  But in a moment of stretching his proverbial wings, he knocked me off my pillar of sweetness and light.

And the crush was crushed.

Who's Drinking the Kool-Aid Now?

Sitting in front of my computer last night, catching up on emails, and reading a detailed online article about what an "After Rapture Party" is (for those who remain after May 21st), I saw a new 'friend request' on my facebook page.  I recognized the name and clicked on the picture to enlarge it.  Sure enough, it was one of my daughter's classmates from school.  She and another friend had posed wearing spaghetti strap camisoles holding wine glasses up to their lips with what appeared to be white wine in their glasses.  I can only hope it was apple juice or sparkling cider. They were clearly trying to convey a seductive look (as much as a 12-year-old is capable of) and pass themselves off as older, sexier, and ready to party.

Mortified doesn't even begin to describe my reaction.  This little girl (and yes, she is still a girl) is advertising herself on the internet very much like some of the ads you would be able to find on the back pages of any edition of Creative Loafing.  At first I was angry and reached for my phone to call her dad and tattle on her.  And then overwhelming sadness replaced the outrage.  I remembered that she's had 'boyfriends' all the way back to fourth grade.  She was given a cell phone long before any of the other kids her age and has privileges at home that are part of the reason Rachel is not allowed to spend the night at her house. She's a sweet, smart girl who refers to me as Mrs. Mom and runs to hug me every time we see each other.  Maybe that's one of the reasons her facebook page bothered me so much.  If she were a 'bad seed' or a bully or just plain mean maybe it would be easier to write her off.  But she's not. 

She's one of millions of girls in our society today (yes, my daughter included) who are being blatantly told by the media, TV, music, and movies that the only thing they are good for is sex - and they better look the part.  It's everywhere, in every form of communication.  Hip-hop and rap music seem to take it to an extreme but don't be fooled.  It's in country music, too.  And top 40.  And rock.  Pop artist Rhianna, who became the poster child for domestic violence about two years ago has now released a song containing the lyrics, "sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me."  What?!?!?  And my kids say the same thing to me that I said to my parents: "I don't listen to the words. I just like the music."  Yeah, right - as they sing every word to every song on the playlist.

Our county's school system has a dress code.  Not uniforms mind you, but a certain degree of standards that must be adhered to during the school day.  And I'm happy to say they are quick to enforce it.  I'm also sad to note that I've actually heard parents complaining about it.  Yep.  Parents.  Dads griping because their daughters can't wear 'booty call' shorts and Moms whining about the fact that their daughters' midriff must be covered at all times.  Really?  You, as a parent, are incensed because the school system is requiring your daughters to be modest?  Who's drinking the Kool-Aid now? 

Because of my cancer and the grueling reconstruction surgeries that followed treatment, my husband and I have become more than just acquaintances with my doctors.  We've gotten to know them and have taken the opportunity to talk about a myriad of topics other than just my particular procedures.  We were shocked to learn that my plastic surgeon's office does breast enhancements on girls as young as 16!  My specific doctor does not, and as a whole the practice does not encourage it, but there are parents - right here in the Bible belt - giving their daughters plastic surgery procedures as high school graduation gifts.  Excuse me, what planet are you from???  It's one thing for 'the world' to be telling our daughters to go to any lengths necessary to make themselves a hot mess, but it's another thing altogether for their parents to be footing the bill.

This has been my soap box for years.  I've noticed even at our church - one of the largest Southern Baptist churches in the country - a growing number of girls and young women who obviously put a lot of thought into what they wear and how they wear it on Sunday.  And not in a good way.  It occurs to me, especially for the younger girls, that they are not old enough to drive nor hold down a job.  So who is taking them shopping and who is paying for these clothes?  Mom and Dad.  Which means that as they are walking to the car on Sunday morning (or any other day of the week) unless Mom and Dad are blind they see what their daughters are wearing - and the message it's portraying.  I for one would have been locked in my closet for 30 years if I had ever tried to dress that way, much less leave the house.

And maybe that's the key.  My Mom taught me - by her example - what was appropriate.  She dressed like a lady.  When we went shopping together she would let me pick out what I liked.  If something didn't fit properly or wasn't appropriate we would discuss the why behind the 'no'.  And after we talked about it, 90% of the time it was still a 'no' but she taught me to use good judgment and good sense and to be careful what I presented to others.  But here's the key: she didn't hesitate to say 'no'.  My mom wasn't so obsessed with being my best friend that she stopped being a parent.  And my Dad didn't use the excuse of "giving me a competitive edge" to justify allowing inappropriate behavior.

Maybe we should add a new line to the children's tune, "Oh be careful little eyes, what you see."  It might go something like this:

"Oh be careful, Mom and Dad, what you buy.
 Oh be careful, Mom and Dad, what you buy. 
 For the world is standing by and your daughter will pay the price.
 Oh be careful, Mom and Dad, what you buy."

Serving Miracles

An anonymous poet once said, "The pouring of compassion, combined with the mixing of gifts and generosity, blend together to serve miracles."  The first time I saw this printed in a magazine, it was the artwork that caught my attention.  The artist had captured an old world feel, something between Renaissance and Renoir.  I read the words again, promptly tore the page out of the magazine, and taped it up on the wall where I could read it daily - sometimes several times a day.  In light of Mother's Day I would like to tell you about a very special woman who epitomizes every word of this short but powerful prose - my Mom.

The pouring of compassion... my Mom feels things deeply and even though her strong Southern upbringing won't always allow her to show it, her heart is as tender as fresh biscuit dough.  She will be the first volunteer to provide a meal for someone who's sick or recovering from surgery.   When she and my Dad travel, she always tucks away the complimentary shampoo, conditioner, bath gels, and lotions from the hotel so she can deliver them to a local ministry helping underprivileged women.  Whether she's praying (I've heard her) or writing in her journal (I've read a few entries), nine times out of ten it's about someone else and their needs.  When I had breast cancer and was overwhelmed by everyone wanting to take care of me, she touched my arm and said gently, "Sweetie, they love you.  Let them."

Combined with the mixing of gifts and generosity... my Mom has many gifts and she happily, generously shares them with anyone and everyone.  She has the gift of beauty but you won't find one vain bone in her tiny frame.  She has the gift of hospitality and can instantly make anyone feel at home, ready to put their feet up on the sofa and stay a while.  She has the gift of creativity and can make the simplest meal beautiful and memorable.  She has the gift of music and sings with a joyful spirit.  She has the gift of reading.  That may sound strange but no one - and I mean no one - can read a story to a child like my Mom.  She can literally make time stand still in a story.  I'm thankful my children have been the benefactors of that one!  Everything she does is blanketed in generosity.  She regularly goes above and beyond and finds tremendous satisfaction in making life a little sweeter for others.

Blend together to serve miracles... my Mom always made our house a home.  We may not have had a lot in the world's eyes but we didn't know it.  She made birthdays, Christmas, and sometimes a regular old Saturday morning magical - usually on a shoe string budget.  She worked a full time job, volunteered (for everything) at our church, kept our house clean and the laundry done, carted my brother and me to all our social and sporting events, and taught me by example to be a gracious, kind, compassionate woman.  I learned to respect others by watching her respect others.  I learned to do my best by watching her touch everything with excellence.  I learned the deep satisfaction of a 'Norman Rockwell' moment by helping to prepare a special meal and gather her family around the kitchen table.  And I learned to be fiercely loyal to my family by understanding that sometimes it's alright to not keep your mouth shut.

I lovingly refer to her as 'Miss Daisy' (when she's not around), my children call her 'Honey', and our friends know her as 'Mrs. C'.  She pours compassion, combines it with the mixing of gifts and generosity, and blends it all together to serve miracles.  She is simply, beautifully, my Mom.